Perry's Hat
by ZombieCatTookMyPudding
Summary: After watching Perry's amazing hat in action, Cad Bane wants to steal it from him! Will he have it? Not on Agent P's watch!
1. Chapter 1

"Good morning, Agent P. We know Doofenshmirtz has supposedly retired to become a high school teacher, but we've picked up some suspicious activity from his penthouse, and worry he may be up to his old tricks. Go check on him. Monogram out."

Saluting, Perry headed towards his miniature car, kept in a garage outside his office.

While he was more than happy to vanquish all evil wherever it may lurk, Perry found himself growing confused. Dr. Doofenshmirtz had agreed to turn over a new leaf and become a teacher in order to avoid arrest. What could _possibly_ be left for him in the life of a mad scientist, especially if it could get himself thrown in jail?

* * *

Busting through the door, the first thing he found to his right was Doofenshmirtz hiding behind a flipped table, breathing heavily.

"Oh! Perry the Platypus! Thank _goodness_ you're here!"

 _ **PEW!** _

Ducking, Agent P just barely managed to dodge a bright green laser shooting at him.

 **"CRUSH. KILL. DESTROY,"** A deep robotic voice echoed through the walls.

Joining Doofenshmirtz behind the table, Perry gave him an angry, questioning glare.

"I know what you're thinking, Perry the Platypus, and no, I have not returned to evil. You see, I have all these homework papers to grade every weeknight now, and it's really cutting into my time. Speaking of 'cutting', look at all these paper-cuts I keep getting."

Perry winced at the tiny red marks all over his palms and fingers.

"I know, right? So I got pretty tired of it and I made this. Behold, the _Paper-Grader-Inator!"_

 _ **PEW!**_ It fired a laser elsewhere.

 **"CRUSH. KILL. DESTROY."**

"Well, the thing is, unlike all my other '-inators', it's not really meant for any _evil_ ; I only invented it to grade papers for me. But then as soon as I turned it on, it just turned into a giant, deadly robot! Seriously, what kind of paper-grading machine is _that?"_

Perry shrugged in response.

 _ **PEW!**_ Its laser hit the table, splitting it in half!

 **"TARGET ACQUIRED. MUST DESTROY."**

"AH! IT FOUND US! _RUN_ , PERRY THE PLATYPUS, _RUN!"_

Doofenshmirtz may have ran for cover, but Perry doesn't run and cower so easily. With one tip of his hat, he threw it like a boomerang at the mighty machine, and the hat easily sliced it in half! (No self-destruct button required.)

**BOOM!**

In the explosion, Perry's awesome hat landed perfectly back on his head.

"Ah..." Doofenshmirtz stepped out from the support beam he was hiding behind. "Thank you, Perry the Platypus."

Tipping his hat, the platypus closed the door to the penthouse behind him.

*A-GENT P!*

* * *

"Holy crap." A tall, thin blue alien watching from a distant hill lowered his hi-tech binoculars. "...I want that freaking hat."

 **TO BE CONTINUED...**


	2. Chapter 2

Perry cut through the alleyways; it was a shortcut back to the Flynn-Fletcher household.

"Well, hello, there."

Perry skidded to a stop as the tall, blue-skinned alien looked him in the eyes.

He loaded a gun:

 _ **PEW!** _

...But Agent P managed to dodge in time when he shot it.

"Blast. Going to put up a fight, are you? Fine. Even if I can't get paid to catch that 'Mitch', I may as well get _something_ from my little out-of-the-galaxy trip."

Agent P was confused. Did this alien think he was Mitch? He shook his head; it didn't matter: he needed to take this freak down before he hurt anyone!

 _ **PEW!** _

Luckily, that blast the alien made against the trash can caused the lid to fall right into his paws.

 _ **PEW PEW PEW!** _

Who knew a garbage can lid would actually make a decent shield against a laser gun?

 **PEW!**

What he wasn't prepared for, however, was a shot that knocked an empty can onto him, trapping him inside, and leaving his precious hat, out of reach.

"Finally." Satisfied, the alien threw his own hat aside, taking the animal agent's hat into his hands instead. "Cad Bane always gets his man. And his hat! Nrgh!" He struggled to put it on his head. "Ngh!" Trying again, he realized the hat only covered a portion of his head. "...Are you kidding me...? IT'S TOO _SMALL!"_

 **BANG!** Perry busted free from the garbage can.

*PER-RY!*

"What? But, how did you-" Cad Bane didn't have time to finish his question as he was met with a webbed foot to the face.

Catching his hat, Perry threw it at the bounty hunter, effectively destroying his gun, and all the other guns, bombs, and various weapons he had on him. The explosion was so big, it sent the Duros flying outside of the fanfic! Yep, that's right. Explosions can be so big, it can force a character out of a story. Literally.

With his hat landing back on his head, Perry walked away from the whole thing, like a boss.

* * *

"But, but Mom!" Candace protested. "Phineas and Ferb were making a crossover fanfic! It was right here!"

"I'm sure it was, honey. Who wants snacks?"

The usual group of kids followed Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher back into the house.

Perry chittered in greeting at Candace, his secret agent hat safely out of sight.

The redhead sighed unenthusiastically. "There you are, Perry."

 **THE END.**


End file.
